It seems safe to say that this is a bad week for United Airlines—but a great week for Jimmy Kimmel and Conan O’Brien. The airline is facing a P.R. firestorm after literally dragging a customer off an overbooked flight—just weeks after getting more bad press by refusing to allow two young girls to board a plane because they were wearing leggings. Kimmel and O’Brien, on the other hand, have a breezy week ahead: every other nightly late-night show is in reruns this week. This means a usually crowded field is now a wide-open space for these two to fill all by themselves—starting with this P.R. crisis.
Perhaps the most inflammatory part of the United maelstrom was a tweeted statement from United C.E.O. Oscar Munoz, apologizing for “having to re-accommodate these customers.” Kimmel’s critique pretty much lined up with what people had been saying on Twitter all day: “This is like when we re-accommodated El Chapo out of Mexico,” Kimmel snarked. “That is such sanitized, say-nothing, take-no-responsibility corporate B.S. speak. I don’t know how the guy who sent that tweet didn’t vomit when he typed it out.”
So to help United solidify their P.R. stance, Kimmel went ahead and made a fake commercial for the company—complete with a new slogan.
“We’re United Airlines,” an attractive flight attendant says in the ad. “You do what we say, when we say, and there won’t be a problem. Capisce? If we say you fly, you fly. If not, tough shit. Give us a problem, and we’ll drag your ass off the plane. And if you resist, we’ll beat you so badly, you’ll be using your own face as a flotation device. United Airlines: Fuck you.”