While the rest of the nation waits to learn if it will ever get to read the final report of the special counsel Robert S. Mueller III, and debates whether a recent letter written by Attorney General William P. Barr provided an adequate overview of the two-year investigation and its results, “Saturday Night Live” is here to tell you what it all means.
In its opening sketch this weekend, Robert De Niro returned to “S.N.L.” in his recurring role as Mueller, composing his report, which, section by section, was then summarized by Barr (Aidy Bryant), which in turn was distilled into a tweet posted by President Trump.
Each performer offered an introduction at the start of the sketch. De Niro said, “Dear Attorney General Barr, officials from the Justice Department and esteemed members of Congress.”
Bryant said, “Hey, guys, William Barr here. You might want to sit down for this one.”
And Baldwin said, “Guess what? Guess what? Guess what? Daddy is about to freak.”
The sketch continued in this round-robin fashion, setting up exchanges like these:
De Niro: “I am submitting these 380 pages.”
Bryant: “I am writing almost four pages.”
Baldwin: “I am reading zero pages, but Sean Hannity has read it and he was so excited that he texted me an eggplant.”
De Niro: “On the charge of obstruction of justice, we have not drawn a definitive conclusion.”
Bryant: “But I have, and my conclusion is: Trump’s clean as a whistle.”
Baldwin: “Free at last, free at last.”
De Niro: “As for conspiracy or collusion, there were several questionable incidences involving the president’s team, but we cannot prove a criminal connection.”
Bryant: “No collusion, no diggity, no doubt.”
Baldwin: [blows an air horn]
De Niro: However, we have indicted 34 individuals in connection with this probe”
Bryant: “Most of them, very good people.”
Baldwin: “The pardons are already in the mail.”
De Niro: “In conclusion it is my hope that this report will be made public, with a few redactions.”
Bryant: “Hella redactions.”
Baldwin: “We’re going to black out everything except the words ‘no’ and ‘collusion.’”
“S.N.L.” returned to the subject of the Mueller report in another sketchlater in the evening, this time from the perspective of the Russian president Vladimir Putin (Beck Bennett) as he sheepishly acknowledges to his underlings at the Kremlin that Trump is not one of his agents.
Pleading his case to the North Korean leader Kim Jong-un (Bowen Yang, an “S.N.L.” staff writer) and an interpreter (played by guest host Sandra Oh), Bennett said, “We don’t know everything in the report yet. Plus, Mueller handed off a lot of stuff to the Southern District of New York. That’s where the real action is.”
Interpreting for Yang, Oh replied to him, “Glorious Leader says you sound like Rachel Maddow right now.”