Late Night Is Tickled by Gordon Sondland’s Impeachment Testimony




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The impeachment hearing on Wednesday saw Gordon Sondland, Washington’s ambassador to the European Union, describing President Trump’s actions as a quid pro quo involving military aid to Ukraine. As Samantha Bee joked on “Full Frontal,” the ambassador “implicated basically anyone who’s ever set foot in the Trump White House.”

“You know what these hearings could use? A guy who paid a million dollars for his ambassadorship.” — SAMANTHA BEE

“Not only did Sondland leave Trump’s defense in tatters, he also implicated Mick Mulvaney, Mike Pompeo and Mike Pence, and he did it as happily as if he were enjoying his own ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ birthday party.” — SAMANTHA BEE

“If you don’t know, Sondland is a lifelong Republican with no prior political experience who owns a bunch of hotels. Yes. Afterward, Trump said, ‘I hate guys like that.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“In order to catch a selfish, idiotic hotel business guy, you have to send a selfish, idiotic hotel business guy.” — SAMANTHA BEE

“He threw everybody under the bus: Mike Pompeo, Mike Pence, Mick Mulvaney, John Bolton, John Bolton’s mustache — even John Bolton’s mustache’s mustache.” — TREVOR NOAH

“This was like the ‘Wizard of Oz’ of impeachment testimony. [imitating Sondland] ‘You were there and you were there and you were there, too, Mike. You were the scarecrow!’” — SETH MEYERS

[imitating Sondland] I’d also like to incriminate my agent — baby doll, I love you! Marcie from wardrobe, everybody at the RNC, Mick Mulvaney — we couldn’t have suppressed Ukraine without you! Oh God, they’re playing me off. I want to thank the whistle-blower, everybody at HBO. Crime is crime is crime is crime. This is for you, mom. We did it! Good night!” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“So many guys went under the bus today, there wasn’t even room for all of them under there. They had to go under in shifts.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“I mean, it was incredible. If he were a ‘Real Housewife,’ he would have finished by throwing a glass of rose in someone’s face, and just walking off.” — JAMES CORDEN

“Even the White House janitor was like, ‘Am I gonna go to jail?’” — SETH MEYERS

“I’ll tell you something: I don’t think Gordon Sondland’s getting his million dollars back.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

~~~  CONTINUE  ~~~

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