Late Night Bids Adieu to Buttigieg, Klobuchar and ‘Poor’ Tom Steyer ~ NYT

Credit…Comedy Central

 

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After Joe Biden won the South Carolina primary over the weekend, Pete Buttigieg, Tom Steyer and Amy Klobuchar suspended their presidential campaigns. “Now we have only 500 democratic candidates,” Conan O’Brien said on Monday night.

 

“Yeah, first Tom Steyer dropped out, then Pete Buttigieg ended his historic run as the first openly robot candidate — and we all know once a gay guy sets a trend, white women aren’t going to be far behind. So Klobuchar dropped out, too.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Pete Buttigieg ended his historic campaign as the first openly gay candidate and then endorsed Joe Biden. Yeah. Pete said the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was come out as a Biden supporter. The biggest challenge? Telling his parents.” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“Buttigieg said he was ending his campaign to, quote, ‘Help bring the party and our country together.’ Yeah, with that kind of attitude, it’s clear he wasn’t presidential material.” — JIMMY FALLON

“‘Come back in four years,’ said a bouncer who carded him at a bar.” — SETH MEYERS

“So I guess we learned to pronounce ‘Buttigieg’ for nothing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“And one of the two billionaires in the race, Tom Steyer — the poor one — Tom Steyer dropped out to spend more time explaining who he is to his family.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“For every vote he got before dropping out, former presidential candidate Tom Steyer spent $3,300 per vote. Yeah. Yeah, Bernie Sanders said that’s obscene. Mike Bloomberg said that’s a pretty good deal — reasonable.” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“Steyer may have sensed the end was near because the night before, he really cut loose at a rally, where he joined rapper Juvenile onstage for his hit, ‘Back That Azz Up.’ A white billionaire dancing with Juvenile to a song about butts — the 2020 campaign is officially a Mad Lib.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Credit…CreditVideo by Late Night With Seth Meyers

“I’m sorry but nobody — nobody — wearing that tie should ever dance like that. You look like a chaperone at a prep school prom trying to get the nerds onto the dance floor.” — SETH MEYERS

“They say ‘dance like nobody is voting for you’ and I think that’s what Tom Steyer did there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“He backed it up and right out of the presidential race.” — JAMES CORDEN

“Klobuchar made the decision to drop out when it became clear she wouldn’t win the nomination but kept running for over a year anyway.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“This was the first presidential primary Joe Biden has won in more than 30 years. Over three different campaigns, this was the first time he won one. I don’t know if he should be proud of that or very depressed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“But it’s like they say, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again for the next 30 years until you’re frankly the least-bad option.” — JAMES CORDEN

“Yes, Joe Biden is very much alive, which isn’t something candidates usually need to remind people, but that’s still OK. It’s a great campaign slogan. Just take it, man, take it.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Just in the past 24 hours, Joe has gaffed everything from the name of a TV anchor he was talking to to the Declaration of Independence. And the name thing on its own is bad because interviews are sort of like sex: It doesn’t matter how well it goes, if you call the person the wrong thing at the end, the whole thing is ruined.” — TREVOR NOAH

“I could do better than that, and I’m from the country you declared independence from.” — JAMES CORDEN, on Biden forgetting part of the Declaration of Independence at a rally

Credit…CreditVideo by The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

“Guess those truths aren’t as self-evident as he thought. [Imitating Biden] A great man, John F. Kennerby once said, ‘Four score and seven and, we pledge allegiance to the folks, because in space no one can hear you scream, yabba dabba doo, where’s the beef — you know the thing.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

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