Trevor Noah Doesn’t Think Trump Knows What Bleach Is ~ NYT

BEST OF LATE NIGHT

Credit…Comedy Central

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On Monday night’s “A Daily Social Distancing Show,” Trevor Noah reviewed a number of “not smart” things President Trump has said during the Covid-19 outbreak — like asserting that the coronavirus would disappear like a miracle, or that people had nothing to lose by experimenting with hydroxychloroquine.

But Trump’s “latest and probably greatest unlicensed medical opinion yet,” Noah said, was his speculation last week that the virus could be stopped by applying ultraviolet light “inside the body,” or by injecting disinfectant.

“This is maybe the first time in documented history that we’ve seen someone not thinking out loud.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Injecting disinfectant into your body? This is the problem when the dumbest person in the room thinks they’re the smartest person. Trump is like Neville Longbottom but with Hermione’s confidence.” — TREVOR NOAH

“And I almost don’t even blame Trump, because there’s no way he even understands what bleach is. Like, do you think Donald Trump has ever cleaned anything in his life? Do you think he has ever actually used disinfectant? Cleaning supplies might as well be magical potions to him. [imitating Trump] ‘I dropped a hamburger on the carpet, then some Mexican lady came in with some Clorox, sprayed it on the carpet, said some spell in Spanish, and then it was gone.’” — TREVOR NOAH

“Now as crazy as the disinfectant line was, I don’t think we should be so quick to dismiss Trump’s UV light idea. Because Trump spends most of his time under UV lights, and other than looking like hickory-smoked bacon, he’s the healthiest man in the world.” — TREVOR NOAH

“And honestly, I love that people were actually calling — calling their local health departments to ask if they should try to cure themselves with disinfectants. Because that means that even the people who are dumb enough to drink bleach are still smart enough not to trust something Donald Trump said.” — TREVOR NOAH

“After the president said that psychotic thing in a White House briefing last week, he cycled through his usual series of obviously B.S. excuses, starting with the classic: ‘I was just joking.’ Because if there’s one thing people want from leadership during a pandemic, it’s sarcasm — and that was me, using sarcasm.” — SETH MEYERS

“You have two renowned scientists working with you, why are you pitching ideas like a sixth-century druid?” — SETH MEYERS

“Oh, sarcasm works great. Sarcasm’s absolutely the best thing for a president to do in the middle of a pandemic. You’re doing amazing, Mr. President.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Can we claim we were being sarcastic when we elected him president?”— JIMMY KIMMEL

Jimmy Fallon opened Monday’s “The Tonight Show” with a new quarantine-themed song, “Starting to Crack.”

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