On Monday night’s “A Daily Social Distancing Show,” Trevor Noah reviewed a number of “not smart” things President Trump has said during the Covid-19 outbreak — like asserting that the coronavirus would disappear like a miracle, or that people had nothing to lose by experimenting with hydroxychloroquine.
But Trump’s “latest and probably greatest unlicensed medical opinion yet,” Noah said, was his speculation last week that the virus could be stopped by applying ultraviolet light “inside the body,” or by injecting disinfectant.
“Injecting disinfectant into your body? This is the problem when the dumbest person in the room thinks they’re the smartest person. Trump is like Neville Longbottom but with Hermione’s confidence.” — TREVOR NOAH
“And I almost don’t even blame Trump, because there’s no way he even understands what bleach is. Like, do you think Donald Trump has ever cleaned anything in his life? Do you think he has ever actually used disinfectant? Cleaning supplies might as well be magical potions to him. [imitating Trump] ‘I dropped a hamburger on the carpet, then some Mexican lady came in with some Clorox, sprayed it on the carpet, said some spell in Spanish, and then it was gone.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“Now as crazy as the disinfectant line was, I don’t think we should be so quick to dismiss Trump’s UV light idea. Because Trump spends most of his time under UV lights, and other than looking like hickory-smoked bacon, he’s the healthiest man in the world.” — TREVOR NOAH
“And honestly, I love that people were actually calling — calling their local health departments to ask if they should try to cure themselves with disinfectants. Because that means that even the people who are dumb enough to drink bleach are still smart enough not to trust something Donald Trump said.” — TREVOR NOAH
The Punchiest Punchlines (Sarcasm Edition)
“You have two renowned scientists working with you, why are you pitching ideas like a sixth-century druid?” — SETH MEYERS
“Can we claim we were being sarcastic when we elected him president?”— JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Fallon opened Monday’s “The Tonight Show” with a new quarantine-themed song, “Starting to Crack.”