LATE NIGHT: NO ONE SAYS ‘LOSERS’ AND ‘SUCKERS’ LIKE TRUMP ~ NYT

“Other than the 245 times Trump has actually called someone a loser and a sucker on Twitter, he’d never say anything like that,” Jimmy Fallon joked in his monologue on Tuesday.

By Trish Bendix

Most of the late-night hosts were off last week and on Labor Day, so Tuesday was their first chance to riff on reports that President Trump had called American troops “losers” and “suckers.” Trump denied the allegations, first reported in The Atlantic magazine, during a news conference at the White House on Monday.

“That was a pretty crazy press conference. At one point, Trump went off on a rant attacking military leaders. Because when you’re in a scandal about calling soldiers names, the best defense is to antagonize their bosses. Trump was like, ‘This goes all the way to the top, people — whoever is the chief of all the commanders.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Other than the 245 times Trump has actually called someone a loser and a sucker on Twitter, he’d never say anything like that.” — JIMMY FALLON

“That’s right, Trump allegedly made outrageously offensive remarks, so you know what that means — nothing happens to Trump, and Billy Bush gets fired.” — JIMMY FALLON

“I’m not sure what’s more upsetting: the comments Trump reportedly made or what he’s going to say to change the subject. [imitating Trump] ‘And that’s why we’re nuking the moon.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Trump was reacting to the furor over The Atlantic’s bombshell report that he called Americans who died in war ‘losers’ and ‘suckers,’ which has been confirmed by multiple outlets including The A.P., CNN and even Fox News, and also by common sense. I mean, it sounds exactly like something Trump would say. He probably thinks anyone who dies is a sucker.” — SETH MEYERS

“According to a new report, President Trump canceled a 2018 visit to an American veterans cemetery in France because he was afraid his hair would get disheveled in the rain. What? When’s it ever been ‘sheveled.’” — SETH MEYERS

“This year’s wildfire season has been one of the worst in history, with dozens of fires burning a record two million acres. And now we’re finding out that one of this weekend’s biggest blazes started in one of the dumbest ways possible.” — TREVOR NOAH

“OK people, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: These gender reveals have gone too far. Ten thousand acres have burned and it’s not even the first time this kind of thing has happened. I mean, at this point, a gender reveal party is now one of the most dangerous terrorist organizations. It’s ISIS, Al Qaeda, Taylor Swift fans and gender reveal parties.” — TREVOR NOAH

“And aside from all the damage it can cause, celebrating a baby’s genitalia is starting to feel very outdated. Like, given everything we’re learning about gender, gender reveal parties should only happen when the child is old enough to know their actual gender and to pitch in some cash for the fire damage.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Oh my goodness, they used pyrotechnics. Seriously? It’s a gender reveal, not a Kiss concert.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Even people who fall off cliffs taking selfies are like, ‘What a bunch of idiots.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Yeah, it turns out the couple is expecting six months in jail and thousands of legal fees.” — JIMMY FALLON

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s