Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Reacting to the President’s withering criticism of his intellect, Dr. Anthony Fauci admitted that he does not have a brain like Donald Trump’s.
“I have to say that he has a point,” Fauci said. “My brain could never come up with the things his brain comes up with.”
Having worked closely with Trump on the White House coronavirus task force, Fauci observed, “His brain is scary.”
“It’s much faster than mine,” the esteemed virologist added. “I need hours to look at facts and data before making a decision, but he makes decisions in seconds, without any information at all.”
While asserting that Trump’s gray matter “merits further study,” Fauci said that he has a theory for why the President’s brain is so much quicker than his.
“My brain is all clogged up with decades’ worth of epidemiology,” he said. “His just has ‘person, woman, man, camera, TV.’ ”