“Let’s just say he makes Gary Busey look like Dr. Fauci,” Kimmel said of the pro-Trump actor after the president retweeted five of his posts on Tuesday.
By Trish Bendix
Cousin Eddie and Punxsu-Donny Phil
President Trump appeared in public twice on Tuesday, leading both Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert to compare him to Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog whose appearances, like Trump’s, are highly scrutinized.
“‘Punxsu-Donny Phil’ emerged from his hole for not one, but two public appearances today,” Kimmel joked.
“He knows that if he comes out of his bunker and sees his shadow, he’ll only have six more weeks of president,” Colbert said.
In the first appearance, the president held an impromptu news conference where he took credit for the stock market’s success. In the next, he pardoned a turkey named Corn. And yet, the late-night hosts noted, he still had time to retweet several of the actor Randy Quaid’s Twitter posts, including one that featured a video of Quaid dramatizing one of Trump’s tweets about Fox News.
“For those who remember Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddie from the ‘Vacation’ movies, he has a long list of accomplishments outside acting: He’s been arrested a few times, he tried to get asylum in Canada, he believes there’s a group called the Hollywood Star Whackers that is plotting to kill him — and our president retweeted that person five times today.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Look out, kids — Santa’s been eating bath salts this year.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Let’s just say he makes Gary Busey look like Dr. Fauci, Randy Quaid.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Five Randy Quaid retweets. Two, sure. Three, that’s pushing it. Five? I think that makes him secretary of agriculture.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Quaid, of course, is most famous for trying to erect a Randy Quaid museum, or claiming he’s on the run from a celebrity-killing organization called the Hollywood Star Whackers, or showing up in court wearing a sheriff’s badge, or posting disturbing sex tapes in which he and his wife are having intercourse below a picture of Rupert Murdoch. Obviously, Randy’s a busy guy — barely has time to buy and sell urine on Craigslist.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“So, a crazy guy retweeted another crazy guy performing the first crazy guy’s crazy tweet. It’s a Möbius mess. It’s like watching two toddlers try to change each other’s diapers, but somehow, it’s even more full of crap.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The only person listening to Randy Quaid is his therapist, which, unfortunately, is an old boot he put a hat on.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Turkey Edition)
“Well guys, today, President Trump took a break from his busy schedule of retweeting Randy Quaid and carried out the presidential tradition of pardoning a turkey.” — JIMMY FALLON
“The bird needed to be pardoned after it was let down by its bumbling lawyer, Rooster Giuliani.” — JIMMY FALLON
“It’s the first turkey basted with Grecian Formula.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“There you have it — an innocent turkey pardoned by a lame duck.”— STEPHEN COLBERT
“Yeah, the good news is, the turkey was pardoned. The bad news is, Trump didn’t wear a mask, so he’s a goner anyway.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yes, it’s a lucky, lucky bird to have a better legal team than the president.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“But I hope everyone else wore a mask, because it’s got to be embarrassing if your contact tracing leads back to a turkey pardon.” — JIMMY FALLON
“I saw that people could go online and vote for the turkey they wanted pardoned, Corn or Cob. Meanwhile, it turns out Corn might’ve won because the vote was rigged by Hugo Chávez.” — JIMMY FALLON
Streaming classic Thanksgiving films like “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” or the new ensemble comedy