January 25, 2021
- WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Responding to Dominion Voting Systems’ huge defamation lawsuit against him, Rudy Giuliani said that he would not be able to pay $1.3 billion in damages because he does not know any real billionaires.
“If I knew an actual billionaire, I’d say, ‘Hey, I’m in a tough fix. Can you help me pay off this thing?’ ” Giuliani said. “But I don’t know anyone like that.”
Not only does he not know any actual billionaires, but the people he does know are “just the opposite,” Giuliani said.
“Forget about $1.3 billion,” he scoffed. “They can’t even pay their legal bills.”
The former New York mayor said that, if Dominion wins its case against him, he will have no choice but to declare bankruptcy. “I guess I do know someone who could help me with that,” he said.