“Counting the 2016 Republican primary, we’ve watched him do that 16 times,” Colbert said. “It’s excruciating. It’s like dental surgery and tonight was like getting our last wisdom tooth taken out.”
By Trish Bendix
Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert went live on Thursday after what Kimmel referred to as “The Thrilla’ in Nashvilla, the second and final presidential debate, and probably the last time Joe Biden and Donald Trump will ever talk to each other.”
Colbert, “The Late Show” host, remarked how thrilled he was to never see Trump on the debate stage again.
“Counting the 2016 Republican primary, we’ve watched him do that 16 times,” he said. “It’s excruciating. It’s like dental surgery and tonight was like getting our last wisdom tooth taken out.”
“In the lead-up to the debate, the president’s advisers pleaded with him to be softer. Soft he can do. I’ve seen the man in tennis shorts.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“That’s right, tonight we saw an all new Trump. Instead of shouting baseless accusations, he whispered them.” — JIMMY FALLON
“The debate tonight was not the ‘WrestleMania’ event most people were expecting. I think maybe somebody swapped Trump’s Adderall out for Tylenol.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Donald Trump, by the way, is the only president who gets marks for good behavior. He’s like when you bring a 2-year-old on a plane.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“For the most part, things were pretty civil compared to the first debate, which was basically a U.F.C. fight on meth.” — JIMMY FALLON
“If the first debate was sponsored by Red Bull, this one was sponsored by NyQuil.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Tonight’s debate had six topics: fighting Covid-19, national security, American families, race in America, climate change and whether Rudy Giuliani was actually tucking in his shirt.” — JIMMY FALLON
“And Americans have a tough choice to make now: Do they vote for Joe Biden on Nov. 3? Or do they vote for him early, because the ultimate mute button is in your hands.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (The Dictator’s Cut Edition)
“On Tuesday, Trump got angry and cut his interview with Lesley Stahl short. Today, he released the full interview himself — ‘the dictator’s cut,’ if you will.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“With less than two weeks until the election, as the pandemic rages out of control and millions of Americans suffer the pain of loss and economic hardship, the president of the United States has apparently decided to make his closing message ‘The TV lady was very mean to me.’” — SETH MEYERS
“He’s the most powerful man in the world and he spends his time making bootleg episodes of ’60 Minutes.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Sorry, that’s your big gotcha, that video? You couldn’t handle that rhetorical question? It’s like a boxing ref asking if you’re ready for a good, clean fight and responding, ‘No, I’m gonna bite his ear because I’m bad at boxing.’” — SETH MEYERS, on Lesley Stahl’s asking Trump if he could handle answering “tough questions”
“[Imitating Trump] You know, if I had known you were going to ask tough questions, I would have done the interview with Mario Lopez instead.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Nobody is supposed to answer ‘no’ to the question ‘Are you ready for some tough questions?’. You don’t answer ‘no’ to that. It’s like at a concert. When they go: ‘Are you ready to rock?’ no one in the crowd is like, ‘No thanks, Mr. Bon Jovi!’” — TREVOR NOAH
“But Lesley is partly to blame for this one. You can’t start a question to Donald Trump with ‘Are you ready for’ and not end with ‘some football!’” — JAMES CORDEN
“Only Donald Trump would think he could choose the level of difficulty of his interview questions. It’s like picking the spiciness of his Chinese food. [As Trump] ‘Let me get those questions extra mild, please. I don’t want anything that can make me sweat.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“It’s amazing somehow that it was easier for Trump to release unauthorized footage from a major television network than it was for him to release his own taxes.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Trump tried to embarrass Lesley by leaking a video of her asking tough questions. Isn’t that her job? Next he’s gonna embarrass Bobby Flay by leaking videos of him making paella.” — JIMMY FALLON
“I mean, think about it: Almost a quarter-million Americans have died from Covid-19 under his watch. What was he expecting from this interview? [As Stahl] ‘Mr. President, a pandemic has ravaged the country, millions are still out of work, so my question is, Coke or Pepsi?’” — TREVOR NOAH
The playlist at President Trump’s rally in Carson City, Nev., on Sunday night included Creedence Clearwater Revival’s 1969 antiwar anthem “Fortunate Son,” a song that the bandleader John Fogerty penned in protest of class inequalities during the Vietnam era.
“Some folks are born, silver spoon in hand — Lord, don’t they help themselves,” Mr. Fogerty’s voice blasted from the speakers as American flags flapped over the stage. “But when the taxman comes to the door. Lord, the house looks like a rummage sale.”
The song would seem to be an unusual choice for a billionaire candidate who paid $750 in federal income taxes in 2016 and 2017 — even more so since Mr. Fogerty had demanded two days before the rally that Mr. Trump stop using it.
On Friday, Mr. Fogerty wrote on Twitter that he was “issuing a cease-and-desist order” to the Trump campaign over its use of the song, a precursor to seeking a legal order to stop it.
His statement on Twitter included a photograph of himself in uniform as a supply clerk at stateside Army bases.
“I wrote this song because, as a veteran, I was disgusted that some people were allowed to be excluded from serving our country because they had access to political and financial privilege,” Mr. Fogerty wrote. “I also wrote about wealthy people not paying their fair share of taxes. Mr. Trump is a prime example of both of these issues.”
At 75, Mr. Fogerty is one year older than Mr. Trump, who avoided military service during the draft by claiming he had a foot problem.The song includes the lyrics, “It ain’t me, It ain’t me, I ain’t no millionaire’s son.”
“It is confusing that the president has chosen to use my song for his political rallies when it seems, in fact, that he is probably ‘The Fortunate Son,’” said Mr. Fogerty in a video posted on his Facebook page last month.
A Trump campaign spokesman did not immediately respond to a request for comment.
The pathbreaking musician reveals the health issues that make it unlikely he will ever again perform in public.
By Nate Chinen
- Oct. 21, 2020
The last time Keith Jarrett performed in public, his relationship with the piano was the least of his concerns. This was at Carnegie Hall in 2017, several weeks into the administration of a divisive new American president.
Mr. Jarrett — one of the most heralded pianists alive, a galvanizing jazz artist who has also recorded a wealth of classical music — opened with an indignant speech on the political situation, and unspooled a relentless commentary throughout the concert. He ended by thanking the audience for bringing him to tears.
He had been scheduled to return to Carnegie the following March for another of the solo recitals that have done the most to create his legend — like the one captured on the recording “Budapest Concert,” to be released on Oct. 30. But that Carnegie performance was abruptly canceled, along with the rest of his concert calendar. At the time, Mr. Jarrett’s longtime record label, ECM, cited unspecified health issues. There has been no official update in the two years since.
But this month Mr. Jarrett, 75, broke the silence, plainly stating what happened to him: a stroke in late February 2018, followed by another one that May. It is unlikely he will ever perform in public again.
“I was paralyzed,” he told The New York Times, speaking by phone from his home in northwest New Jersey. “My left side is still partially paralyzed. I’m able to try to walk with a cane, but it took a long time for that, took a year or more. And I’m not getting around this house at all, really.”
Mr. Jarrett didn’t initially realize how serious his first stroke had been. “It definitely snuck up on me,” he said. But after more symptoms emerged, he was taken to a hospital, where he gradually recovered enough to be discharged. His second stroke happened at home, and he was admitted to a nursing facility.
During his time there, from July 2018 until this past May, he made sporadic use of its piano room, playing some right-handed counterpoint. “I was trying to pretend that I was Bach with one hand,” he said. “But that was just toying with something.” When he tried to play some familiar bebop tunes in his home studio recently, he discovered he had forgotten them.
Mr. Jarrett’s voice is softer and thinner now. But over two roughly hourlong conversations, he was lucid and legible, aside from occasional lapses in memory. He often punctuated a heavy or awkward statement with a laugh like a faint rhythmic exhalation: Ah-ha-ha-ha.
Raised in the Christian Science faith, which espouses an avoidance of medical treatment, Mr. Jarrett has returned to those spiritual moorings — up to a point. “I don’t do the ‘why me’ thing very often,” he said. “Because as a Christian Scientist, I would be expected to say, ‘Get thee behind me, Satan.’ And I was doing that somewhat when I was in the facility. I don’t know if I succeeded, though, because here I am.”
“I don’t know what my future is supposed to be,” he added. “I don’t feel right now like I’m a pianist. That’s all I can say about that.”
After a pause, he reconsidered. “But when I hear two-handed piano music, it’s very frustrating, in a physical way. If I even hear Schubert, or something played softly, that’s enough for me. Because I know that I couldn’t do that. And I’m not expected to recover that. The most I’m expected to recover in my left hand is possibly the ability to hold a cup in it. So it’s not a ‘shoot the piano player’ thing. It’s: I already got shot. Ah-ha-ha-ha.”
Hits like “Gimme Some Lovin’” and “I’m a Man” made the Spencer Davis Group, based in Britain, famous worldwide and launched the career of its lead singer, Steve Winwood.
By Jim Farber
- Oct. 20, 2020
Spencer Davis, the leader of a rock group under his name that had some of the most propulsive and enduring hits of the 1960s, including “Gimme Some Lovin’,” “I’m a Man” and “Keep On Running” — all sung not by him but by a teenage Steve Winwood — died on Monday in Los Angeles. He was 81.
The cause was pneumonia, said Bob Birk, his booking agent and friend, adding that Mr. Davis had been hospitalized for the last week.
Mr. Davis co-wrote “Gimme Some Lovin’,” his group’s biggest hit. He played rhythm guitar in the band and occasionally sang lead vocals, lending his baritone voice mostly to blues-oriented material.
But it was Mr. Winwood, who was only 15 when Mr. Davis discovered him, who emerged as the group’s star, singing lead on its hit singles and later becoming an essential figure in British rock through his work with the bands Traffic and Blind Faith and in a long solo career.
After Mr. Winwood abruptly left the Spencer Davis Group in 1967 to form Traffic, Mr. Davis kept the band going through multiple incarnations. In 1968, a new iteration of the Spencer Davis Group enjoyed two Top 40 hits in Britain, “Time Seller” and “Mr. Second Class.”
The band did not have similar success in the United States, but a song co-written by Mr. Davis and recorded by the band that year, “Don’t Want You No More,” became significant in 1969 when the Allman Brothers recorded a cover version as the opening track on their debut album. https://www.youtube.com/embed/xcxYX8KPhGk
Mr. Davis later had a fruitful career as an A & R executive at Island Records, where he signed the hit punk-pop group Eddie and the Hot Rods and the respected reggae band Third World.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Reacting to the President’s withering criticism of his intellect, Dr. Anthony Fauci admitted that he does not have a brain like Donald Trump’s.
“I have to say that he has a point,” Fauci said. “My brain could never come up with the things his brain comes up with.”
Having worked closely with Trump on the White House coronavirus task force, Fauci observed, “His brain is scary.”
“It’s much faster than mine,” the esteemed virologist added. “I need hours to look at facts and data before making a decision, but he makes decisions in seconds, without any information at all.”
While asserting that Trump’s gray matter “merits further study,” Fauci said that he has a theory for why the President’s brain is so much quicker than his.
“My brain is all clogged up with decades’ worth of epidemiology,” he said. “His just has ‘person, woman, man, camera, TV.’ ”
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