FAUCI ADMITS HE DOES NOT HAVE BRAIN LIKE TRUMP’S ~ The New Yorker

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

Trump and Fauci in front of flag
Photograph by Drew Angerer / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Reacting to the President’s withering criticism of his intellect, Dr. Anthony Fauci admitted that he does not have a brain like Donald Trump’s.

“I have to say that he has a point,” Fauci said. “My brain could never come up with the things his brain comes up with.”

Having worked closely with Trump on the White House coronavirus task force, Fauci observed, “His brain is scary.”

“It’s much faster than mine,” the esteemed virologist added. “I need hours to look at facts and data before making a decision, but he makes decisions in seconds, without any information at all.”

While asserting that Trump’s gray matter “merits further study,” Fauci said that he has a theory for why the President’s brain is so much quicker than his.

“My brain is all clogged up with decades’ worth of epidemiology,” he said. “His just has ‘person, woman, man, camera, TV.’ ”

JASON ISBELL, BRANDI CARLILE, BILL MURRAY SET FOR ONLINE JOHN PRINE SPECIAL ~ TONIGHT, OCT. 10th!

John Prine photographed at Hardly Strictly Bluegrass in San Francisco, CA October 8, 2017©Jay Blakesberg / MediaPunch ****NO GERMANY***** /IPX

‘Picture Show: A Tribute Celebrating John Prine’ streams with an all-star lineup 

ByJOSEPH HUDAK 

Jason Isbell, Brandi Carlile, Eric Church, Kacey Musgraves, and Bill Murray will remember the life and music of John Prine during an all-star online special on Thursday. Picture Show: A Tribute Celebrating John Prine streams OCTOBER 10th at 7:30 p.m. ET via Prine’s YouTubeFacebook, and Twitch.

“Picture Show,” which debuted earlier this year, returns to YouTube Oct. 10 at 7 p.m. CST and remains online until midnight Oct. 11.  

Scientists Believe Congressional Republicans Have Developed Herd Mentality

Dozens of Republicans clapping at the State of the Union.
Photograph by Bill Clark / CQ Roll Call / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Researchers at the University of Minnesota believe that Republican members of Congress have obtained “extremely high” levels of herd mentality, a new study shows.

According to the study, the researchers found that, in obtaining herd mentality, the G.O.P. lawmakers have developed “near-total immunity” to damning books, news reports, and audio tapes.

Herd mentality was observed in congressional Republicans from every region of the country, with the exception of one senator from Utah, Mitt Romney, who was deemed an outlier and therefore statistically insignificant.

Davis Logsdon, the scientist who supervised the study, said that Republicans were exhibiting herd mentality to a degree never before observed in humans.

“Herd mentality at these levels historically has appeared only in other mammal species, like lemmings,” the researcher said.

Redneck Quote of the Month

 “This pandemic is nothing more than a power grab by the government,” said Ken Orvis of Ridgway. “This is overreaching and we will not tolerate tyranny.” Orvis said this tyranny would be met with “whatever force is necessary,” and “if you heard this as a threat, you’re right.” 

old men laughing

was on my Socratic walk with an old friend this morning … didn’t get too far. He wasn’t feeling good so we stopped to rest when he said, ” I’ve been feeling like hell for awhile, you know I think I’m dying.” We looked at each other for a few seconds and broke out laughing … the great cosmic joke

Spaulding couldn’t make it to Pisco Hour but his glass was full …

 

IMG_5511Way back I attended a Spaulding Grey performance in Santa Fe.  After the show I made my way to the front and talked with him for a bit then acquired the water glass he had been drinking from during the show.  Now it’s enthusiastically used at Rancho Desperado for Mango sours.

RoberRepor-email-sig2.png

“acquired the water glass” ??

You liberated it as my father used to say !!!!

Bernie Arndt